Where to begin. OH MY GOD!!!.... How About That!.... Wow!... Yes we have video, but it's at night, the camera doesn't quite get a focus on the flames, and Oh My..I don't think we are building any more Viking Funeral Pyres.
We got a later start than we wanted. The good thing about it being dark, we could see the flames and watch the boat travel through the bay for about 1/4 mile.
Ok, the place we picked. Fisherman's Wharf on South Padre Island, west side about 1 mile past the entrance to SPI. Laguna Blvd and Swordfish. This is a marina. We parked at a boat dock. How smart is that??? People were bringing in their boats, fishermen were gutting their fish, others were soaking their boat in kerosene (uh, yeah, that be us). Not a good place. If we had known this ahead of time, we would have gone elsewhere.
Spent about 1/2 hour checking it out to see what is best to do, mostly trying to be away from the boats. Nothing really was ideal, but we were able to get to the end of the pier and lay the boat in the water (since it was low tide, I really had to stretch to reach the water). Spent the next 10 minutes waiting for the jet ski's to get docked. Then another 10 minutes trying to get the darn thing going. In the water, Out of the water, in the water, out of the water.....
Couldn't get the rocket booster to go, so we settled for using a "torch" to set the boat on fire (did I tell you my hand is pretty wet with kerosene by now). Got the "pyre" lit, pushed it out to sea some with the torch stick and for a short while, this was good. Then instead of drifting out of the inlet, it rode southward along the marinas. I had a remote control boat I sent out to push it further out, but I lost contact so that was useless (Ed note: In hindsite, this selfless act was not useless at all, it actually provided Uncle Ed with a much needed escort for his final adventure).
Uhm. There are more boats around the area and the boat that's aflame is drifting mightily close to the trawler that is parked. I'm going around to another pier to push the boat out some (I've got this 2 foot dowel rod that we used to light the boat with, so I'm welding a pretty pathetic stick here). Ronald (bro in law) had gone beyond excited (I think I heard him running down a pier yelling Get the Flashlight. Get the Flashlight. Get the Flashlight - or maybe it was AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH). He was thinking enough to hand me an umbrella that I used to push the flaming boat further out to sea. The IDEA of sinking the boat at that time did not (I repeat, DID NOT) enter my mind. I wish it had.
Did I say Marinas? Like about a mile of places people docked and fished. This means about a mile for this boat to come in and set other boats on fire and piers and marinas and restaurants and bars and Oh My, I'm thinking I don't have enough money to cover all the damage that is going to happen. Why did we do this. This wasn't very smart. Why did we use so much kerosene. Why is the boat not sinking.
Told the nephews after one trip down a pier that if someone official stops by, they don't know me. I also wondered why we didn't just jump in the cars and say, Ohh look at the burning boat, let's get out of here.
As I'm walking around a few restaurants to get ahead of the boat, I see a uniform and am glad it's only security for the bar. Then as I'm going around a bunch of females that are blocking a lane of traffic, I see a cop car drive by. As long as he doesn't look toward the water I should be fine, but I'm walking around with a camera on my neck and an umbrella in a hand. Not a good sign. I also left my cell phone behind, so I had no one to call if he pulled me over and wanted to take me in. This whole time, the boat appears to be drifting further away from the docks, so that is a relief.
I finally get to an area I can get back to shore just in time to see sparks shoot out. The rocket booster finally shot off. YEAAHHHH!! We are talking about 20 - 30 minutes after we started (or so it seems. It could have been about 5 - 10 minutes). The flames start to go out and a few minutes later, we can see the boat drifting backwards and flames are finally gone.
For those that know the area, we started at Swordfish and Laguna. I last saw flames at Ling and Laguna (where the carnival is at).
The Nephews thought this was the greatest thing ever. The people at the bars and restaurants got a great view of a wee burning ship, plus my remote drifting along side. The fishermen didn't seem too concerned. Friends thought it was cool at first, then Ronald tried to hide the kerosene in a friends truck. They all got a glimpse of the rocket shooting off.
So, Uncle Ed went out in a flame of glory And then some.
I wonder if the boat stayed afloat enough to go out past the causeway. I'm going to keep tabs on the SPI newspaper for stories on unexplained boat fires.
Note from Azucena's cousin April (who is in the legal profession):
What a fitting tribute the whole thing appears to have been. Also, I love Randy's narrative. Perhaps an attorney who practices in criminal law and who is familiar with Texas state law, general federal criminal law and federal maritime law could determine when the various statutes of limitations expire so the narrative could be published as an essay at a time when no one should be subject to prosecution for anything referenced in it.
Take care --
Love,
April
P.S. -- I'm thinking of naming you my power of attorney for funeral arrangements. Don't worry, a funeral pyre won't be necessary, but clearly you will go the extra mile to make sure last wishes are honored.
Note from Azucena's Godmother, Betty Ferrero (who just enjoys a good laugh):
The burning Viking burial boat adventure was so hilarious!!!! I think this is the funniest e-mail I have ever read-- those so-called jokes that are forwarded around could not touch it -- I was literally laughing out loud as I read!
Thanks for making my day, Randy (and Azucena)!
Betty
And to paraphrase a good friend of ours, Kym Nicol:
"I want you to do mine!"